I live my life in a constant state of fear. Not fear of tangibles such as spiders, heights or clowns, rather of the intangibles such as failure and embarrassment. As IMTX70.3 has become more than a spec in the distance, I can feel the fear coming on and so began my thinking about why we as humans share this emotion. On my bus ride this morning I came up with what I will call the Fear Anger Respect paradigm. I'll save you the wikipedia trip: a paradigm is a set of forms that all contain a certain element, in this case fear or anxiety. I believe fear is the root cause of two mutually exclusive effects: anger and respect.
I'll start with anger because, in my humble opinion, it is the worst of the two effects. I can trace back all of my anger to a certain fear: fear of the loss of control. When someone cuts me off in traffic, I get angry. It really has nothing to do with that person in particular, more so because I am no longer in control of my environment. Anger is also prevalent at work perhaps more in the form of frustration, a byproduct of anger. I am frustrated when co-workers (or my boss) do not contribute to a project because I cannot control the output of others. Control and anger have an inverse relationship: as control declines, anger increases. You get the idea.
The more applauding effect of fear is respect. When I was a kid my brother and I feared our father when we broke something or got into trouble at school. This was out of respect. I am a God fearing person because I respect the gravity of my worldly choices and how they affect my afterlife. It suffices to say that a lack of fear might also indicate a lack of respect. I have countless examples of people who have committed to pursuing some sort of endurance sport only to fail in finishing the event, or even the training program. These are the same folks who when asked how training was going, would typically answer by throwing in a "I'm not really worried about it." Contrary to the relationship with anger, respect and fear have a direct relationship. The more I fear something, the more I respect it and vice-versa.
A Biblical response to fear is taken from Paul's speech to Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:7, where he attempts to motivate Timothy to press onward in his ministry. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." I take what Paul is preaching as a reminder that we are not to be fearful if we trust that God made us perfect in creation. Fear comes from us essentially getting in the way of God's will for our lives. This encroachment may cause undue anger from a perceived loss of control. With regard to my second point above, I believe respecting someone or something is the result of a sound mind. You are right to give respect where it is due. You are right to have butterflies when you are going to attempt something bigger than yourself.
I consider myself extremely lucky to have found a hobby that reminds me to put aside my control issues and let my body do the work.
On Sunday I wrapped up my final brick workout prior to IMTX70.3 which takes place this Sunday April 26. Since mid-January, I have logged 86 workouts and will complete 4 more prior to Sunday. What a journey of self-improvement it has been...I feel like I am in the best shape of my life both physically and mentally, and I am still finding inspiration on the spiritual side of things so I am confident to continue the pursuit.
After 3.5 years of doing this, am I fearful of the race? Absolutely. But my fear is not for the lack of control but rather a respect for the sport and the distance. I know when I jump in that water, take off on my bike and throw on my running shoes, for at least these 4-6 hours (hopefully 4:48) all is right with the world and I am using the power, love and sound mind that God gave me. That is all the control I need, and that is the beauty of this for me. Taking something with so many variables for error and turning it into a success each time you enter the finisher's chute.
For those who care to follow my progress:
http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman-70.3/texas.aspx#axzz3XrqzyA6L
Bib #1920
